We Work. We come home. Clean the house. Maybe take care of the kids. Maybe freelance on a private project until late to be free. We Take care of our partners. Take care of our parents, the ill, those in constant need of our efforts…or maybe we don’t. Maybe we don’t because we don’t have spouses, children, or parents (for whatever painful or non-painful reason). Maybe we don’t because the house just didn’t seem more important that day than our sanity (a mind-state hard to understand by many). Maybe we don’t because we have just been berated all day by bosses, clients, or society in general. Maybe we don’t because we are flat out tired. Tired of the things that created these circumstances. Tired of the battle. Because we know that any one of these things could be a trigger to our already fragile mind state.
Because we know that our spirit has had enough.
Welcome to the world of the professional woman with anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, poor “coping skills”, an “ism,” or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Welcome to the world of the professional woman who holds what they call “Mental Illness.” Non-acute or overwhelming. Barely noticeable or crippling. This is because many of us are here. I beg you: Don’t shut down now- we have shut down ENOUGH and it has nearly killed us.
It is estimated that a high percentage of professional women hold some sort of mental Dis-EASE or a trauma that has lead to current conditions. I phrase it this way because I no longer want it to be seen as a deficit, but as a means to see myself as someone who can accept who I am and be empowered to work through my challenges. After all, isn’t every human being at some point in life holding a dis-EASE?
I have a bipolar mother who I watched struggle to maintain her career and dreams while she chose to raise me. I say chose because at any time she could have given me up- but she didn’t. Did my life have turmoil? Yes. Were there times that I wish adoption had been an option? Yes. But now that I am older, suffering from my own ailments, do I wish for a different past? NO. It made me who I am and a stronger more compassionate woman because of it.
I write this article because the truth sheds light on the dark, and the truth is that more of us are suffering from mental dis-ease than we know. That coworker who runs to the bathroom right after lunch because her physical identity is constantly prey. That woman who calls out of work a little more than others because just getting out of bed in the morning is a struggle. That woman who always jumps a little too high when the boardroom door is slammed a little too hard. She is US. WE are HER.
This is not an article with my favorite bullet points and a solution, but an article for recognition. Sometimes recognition is all that you need. An understanding that if we had something more visible, a condition more easily “seen,” we could be given the gift of validation. But in the world of the mind such things often lay invisible and we are left feeling crazy in a society where we use our work to keep us sane. Let this be your validation that what you feel is real, honest, okay, and that you are even more beautiful and exceptional because of it.
My sisters, I am with you. Those extreme feelings of anxiety, devaluation, habits of inconsistency, overworking, “underworking,” chaos functioning, perfectionism seeking, etc…I am with you. It is time we seek a moment of self validation to be able to move forward with confidence, understanding, and love.
Maybe it is time we check in with a counselor, a self help book, a warm bath. Maybe it is time we just do whatever effort we need to check in with our SELVES more than the office, family, friends, and society’s ridiculous expectations. Maybe it is time to realize we sometimes are drowning and MUST do what we need to do in order to step back and take care of the one person who feels the most overwhelmed, irrational, vulnerable, incapable, misunderstood, or lonely: OUR SELVES.
Then, let us recognize that she is not alone and find the tools to let her know that she is amazing just as she is with unlimited potential to move forward and pave a way for unlimited happiness in her life. To know she speaks for the many human beings (male, female, transgender/sexual, and more) who are struggling to maintain in a society that is trying desperately to make us feel NOT OK. That she interrupts, and necessarily disrupts, a society that does not understand the gray. A society that needs our very presence to see one thing: That the breakdown is needed to breakTHROUGH.